The Genesis Story

What follows is the foundation for Momonism, which is – awkwardly – unaffiliated with Mormonism.

Fig 1: The Jesus. Note the beard. Very well done, Jesus.

Fig 2: Moses, named in honor of Mo. Truly a beard of glorious and biblical proportion.

Fig 3: Adam gets to second base with Eve, thanks to his beard and a very large leaf.

In the beginning, there was nothing. There was only darkness.

Lo, there was not even a lonely lip.

Then Mo, the God of all things that matter, began growing his beard. And lo, it was a magnificent beard and it extended with great haste. Mo celebrated by creating the heavens and the earth, for Mo needed an exalted kingdom, home to a people that could delight in the glory of his beard. For Mo was generous and kind above all, and knew what good could come from his divine hairiness.

Mo created the heavens and the land and the waters, and he filled them with all the beings that could sustain his ultimate creation: man. For man was created in His image, replete with the ability to grow a glorious beard. At the end of this week of hard work, Mo shaved off the plush beard that he had grown so quickly - leaving but a mustache to give him a leg up, so to speak, in the soon-to-be-bustling Biblical porn industry (see Fig 3) - and relaxed with a Miller High Life and bowling on ESPN.

In time, great men would follow in their creator’s footsteps, though Mo slowed the growth of man’s beard, maintaining his own rightful place upon the throne of beardly goodness.

And so it has come to pass that we honor Mo. He needed only a week. We will humbly take a full month, for we are mere mortals.